It's just about that time to pack up the laptop and the rest of my things, so I'll post once more quick before I do...although I'm still not saying exactly when I will be leaving!! I love surprises so much!
What a fantastic weekend I had - first, a relaxing Friday night with my mom, then a wonderful Saturday afternoon with a sister-in-law at the beach in White Rock; then on Sunday mom and I had brunch with my nephew and his wife; after which mom took me back to GFS, and then into Kitsilano, where I met up with a "sister" (theatre friend!) from PG! We enjoyed a sushi supper, then an amazing performance of "The Comedy of Errors" at Bard on the Beach. If you live in Vancouver, or plan to visit, and enjoy Shakespeare, or even if you don't, this is truly worth taking in!! It was so well done, and so funny!
But the weekend ended, and I'm back here for a little while longer...and can't sleep! So my thoughts turn to all the things that I've experienced over the last 5 months, and how so much has changed. I know I'm not the same person as I was before, and I pray that God will continue to change and mold me into the person that He has started making me into, even though I know I have a long way to go until I'm there. Even with all the miracles I've experienced personally and the closeness of His presence in my life, I still find myself putting me first, not Him. Will I ever learn? What else will it take for me to finally get it? My prayer is that as I move back into "normal" life, that I won't forget the lessons that have been part of this whole process. Perhaps those of you who follow this blog regularly will help to keep me accountable!
Thank you all once again so much for all your support, encouragement, prayers and love shown to all of us. We could never have made it through without you or without our marvelous, incredible, awesome Lord!! Back in March, I claimed the verse from 1 Peter 5: 10 - "And the God of grace, who called you to His eternal glory in Christ, after you have suffered a little while, will Himself make you strong, firm and steadfast." Ben printed out this verse for me in large letters, and it has been on my wall ever since. This verse has been fulfilled! He has made me strong, firm and steadfast, not only physically, but also emotionally. He's still working on me spiritually! But I close with verse 11 - "To Him be the power (and the glory!) for ever and ever."
I'll write again soon, once I'm home. For now, I'll just leave you hanging, and wondering...!!!! Till soon!
Monday, June 29, 2009
Monday, June 22, 2009
Quick note...
Just wanted to let everyone know...my ticket home is booked! Now I'm just trying to decide if I should tell you all what day I'm coming home - there are a few people I'd like to surprise! I'll keep you posted...!
Also, today marks a final victory - I finally passed the swallowing assessment, which means NO MORE MINCED FOOD! I can eat whatever I want, but the speech therapist still recommends nothing dry and crumbly - I can live with that! So PTL!!!
As I look forward to going home, please pray with me that I don't lose focus on what God may still want to do in and through me. I know He can use any moment, anywhere. Let's all be ready for His purposes!
I will still keep posting, and keep you informed as to what God does next...it will always be an adventure to live for Him! But for tonight, that's all, and I'll write more soon!
I'M GOING HOME SOON!!!!!!!!
Wednesday, June 17, 2009
Thoughts and revelations...
This morning I woke quite early, and couldn't sleep. I read some, prayed some, tried to go back to sleep, but couldn't, and then had quite the revelation. I thought you might like to know that I came to the conclusion that I'm finally ready to go home!! As strange as that may sound, it did take some time for me to be able to come to that place. Here are some of the thoughts that have gone through my head this morning – hopefully they will give you insight as to how I came to be where I am now. I have not shared much about my feelings, for various reasons, but I feel that I can now express some of what I have felt and experienced with you.
Life in the past few months has not been normal, that we all know. First we had to deal with simply surviving, then coping with the pain and limitations that we were faced with. The various changes in surroundings sometimes were good, sometimes not so good. Please understand that we know that we were overwhelmingly surrounded by so much support and care as we simply tried to make it through each day, and for that we will be forever grateful. Then came the transfer to G F Strong. That was the biggest step toward major recovery. It was a safe place to be, a place where I knew I could heal and get better. It was also where I knew God wanted me to be as I learned more and more to depend on Him for the strength for each day. I learned to walk again, among other things. But more importantly, I learned to look past myself and my own hurts to the needs of others. I knew from the beginning that we had all been spared, but during the initial stages of physical healing, it was hard to look past the pain. But God was patient, kind and loving, keeping us focused on what needed to be done at the time. Looking ahead was something that I wasn't ready to do. For the 3 short hours that I was able to be in my own home on Easter Sunday, as wonderful as it was, it made me very aware of my injuries, and my inability to cope in a normal setting. It was very difficult at the time, and I put the experience behind me, knowing that someday I would again need to face going home.
For a long time, I was afraid that I wouldn't be ready when the time came to leave here. Afraid of being surrounded by the familiar and not knowing what to do; afraid of being made more aware of what I am limited with; afraid of not being able to cope; afraid of not feeling normal ever again. Over the past week or so, each time I leave here to go to my mom's or my sister's homes, I have started to feel less and less afraid. More like I can fit in, feel "normal". More like I can cope, take on responsibility again, and concentrate on getting on with life. For so long, I have been focused on getting better – well, I am now better. I know that I still have a ways to go to get back my strength and endurance, but I can function now like I couldn't a few weeks ago. I can go out in public and not look that different from everyone else. Now I need to start the process of emotional and mental healing, and for that, I feel like I need my family and my home. I walked down the empty hallway this morning around 3, and just had an overwhelming sense that I am finished here. I want to go home. I need to go back to where we left off, and start life in the "new normal", as my sister fondly named it. I truly sense that my job here is finished. There are still things that I need to do here, appointments and exercises, physio and speech therapy, and more. But now I feel that it is time to wrap things up, do what needs to be done, and move on.
It's quite amazing the confidence that has come with this revelation. I so clearly remember thinking that it would be so scary to leave the routine that has developed over the past 4 ½ months, the safety of being taken care of, and the knowledge that I was in a place surrounded by people just like me. That has changed. God has done miracles, and I am now no longer like the people around me. Sure, I still have and will always have a spinal cord injury, but praise God, He has allowed me to be strong, firm, and steadfast, making my steps sure as it says in the verse that we claimed back in February. The impact of this knowledge is so great, and I worship and praise my Lord for restoring me! It's time to go home!
Monday, June 15, 2009
...and here we go...!
Hey everyone! Thanks for your patience! It has been an incredible 2 weeks, and it might take too long to update you on everything that has happened, but I'll try to fill you in on at least some of the highlights!
It has been such a blessing to be with Ben each evening (not to mention eating out almost every night!), and to share some semi-normal time together. Yes, Ben had to work, but at least we were able to see each other every evening.On the weekend, Jason and Dani came down, always enjoyable! Shopping, crib, and more shopping...really great. We even got to see some other family and friends while Ben was here - the evening at Spanish Banks was a real highlight (thanks, John and Helen!) watching the sunset and listening to a group of about 40 people with various ethnic drums just enjoying the rhythms! Another special night was the final night of the Stanley Cup Playoffs, where we shared the evening with a roomful of people at Moxie's - thankfully we were almost all cheering for the same team! The 2 who were cheering for the "other" guys left after the 2nd period!! Sadly, Ben left for home on Saturday, but it hopefully won't be too long until I'm on my way there, too!
So now I'm back here at my "one-star all-inclusive" (as Ben nicknamed GFS!). Today was supposed to be back to normal, but I started the day with a migraine, and threw up, so that did me in for the morning. This afternoon, I went to my session for Driver Rehab, which I was looking forward to. After several different tests, the examiner was saying that I should be fine with a couple sessions with the instructor to prepare to do a road test, and I should be fine. I only had to complete a 40 question multiple choice test from a video. I did the test questions, and thought all was going great. But when the 3rd scenario came up, it was a picture of a crash site, and I started to shake - I didn't even see the question. The 4th scenario was a video of a car being rear ended, and I realized that I was getting nauseous. I stood up and left the room, and found the examiner, informing him of what happened. I was surprised at the intensity of my reaction, but realized that I am not ready to drive. I'll be coming back sometime in September for other appointments, so I'll do the sessions with the instructor then, as well as see the driver rehab psycologist. By that time, I should be able and ready to deal with whatever residual feelings and emotions that may still be hiding. So the healing process continues...!
On a more positive note, my eyesight is getting progressively better! I don't wear a patch any more, which forces my eyes to work together better. I also passed the balance test which allows me to be independant in the complex. In other words, NO MORE WHEELCHAIR, AND NO MORE WALKER! I can even do the stairs, too! So that's a real milestone! The work that I am doing since then in physio is for fine tuning and improving balance and posture. I have to admit...some of the things I'm working on, I couldn't even do before the accident! I'm also enjoying the pool time, which is a great chance to feel "normal" - until I start swimming, that is! (Sigh!) But in all areas, improvement is coming! Ben's limp is also better, and his foot doesn't swell as much. Aaron will be going back to work this week, but still has some pain in his ankles. The physiotherapy seems to have helped somewhat. He and Jason managed quite well on their own, and according to Jason, "ate like kings"! Oh well, we'll deal with the budget later!!
Many have asked about how things were going with my roommate, Claudia. She is coping better, and I have really been blessed to be able to pray with her through several difficulties. God has placed me here for a specific reasons, and I'm confident that she is one of them. It has been such a priviledge to be here for her, and to help her when she's experiencing some of the same difficulties that I've been carried through. God is so good, and I can now say what I have thought that I would be able one day to say - that I am thankful for the accident and for where it has brought me in my life. We have learned so much, and have grown in ways that we had not thought possible. We know the journey isn't finished yet, and can hardly wait to see what else God has in store for us, and the lessons that will yet come for us to learn. For sure, we have experienced that in our weakness, He is strong. We give God the glory for the grace that He has shown us, and for the mercy to have a second chance at living life the way He wants us to. We're far from perfect, and have a long way to go, but we're looking forward to the journey!
By the way, anytime you'd like to come visit, I'm more than up to having visitors in the evening, as I still have a few weeks left. I should find out tomorrow for sure when they are going to let me go home, but there's always the possibility that I may have to stay longer for extra physio. I'll keep you posted!
So now it's time to get some extra sleep, and I'll try to be more faithful with posts! Keep praying for us to learn and listen, and be ready when God wants to use us, and we'll pray the same for you!!
With gratefulness for many blessings,
Judy
It has been such a blessing to be with Ben each evening (not to mention eating out almost every night!), and to share some semi-normal time together. Yes, Ben had to work, but at least we were able to see each other every evening.On the weekend, Jason and Dani came down, always enjoyable! Shopping, crib, and more shopping...really great. We even got to see some other family and friends while Ben was here - the evening at Spanish Banks was a real highlight (thanks, John and Helen!) watching the sunset and listening to a group of about 40 people with various ethnic drums just enjoying the rhythms! Another special night was the final night of the Stanley Cup Playoffs, where we shared the evening with a roomful of people at Moxie's - thankfully we were almost all cheering for the same team! The 2 who were cheering for the "other" guys left after the 2nd period!! Sadly, Ben left for home on Saturday, but it hopefully won't be too long until I'm on my way there, too!
So now I'm back here at my "one-star all-inclusive" (as Ben nicknamed GFS!). Today was supposed to be back to normal, but I started the day with a migraine, and threw up, so that did me in for the morning. This afternoon, I went to my session for Driver Rehab, which I was looking forward to. After several different tests, the examiner was saying that I should be fine with a couple sessions with the instructor to prepare to do a road test, and I should be fine. I only had to complete a 40 question multiple choice test from a video. I did the test questions, and thought all was going great. But when the 3rd scenario came up, it was a picture of a crash site, and I started to shake - I didn't even see the question. The 4th scenario was a video of a car being rear ended, and I realized that I was getting nauseous. I stood up and left the room, and found the examiner, informing him of what happened. I was surprised at the intensity of my reaction, but realized that I am not ready to drive. I'll be coming back sometime in September for other appointments, so I'll do the sessions with the instructor then, as well as see the driver rehab psycologist. By that time, I should be able and ready to deal with whatever residual feelings and emotions that may still be hiding. So the healing process continues...!
On a more positive note, my eyesight is getting progressively better! I don't wear a patch any more, which forces my eyes to work together better. I also passed the balance test which allows me to be independant in the complex. In other words, NO MORE WHEELCHAIR, AND NO MORE WALKER! I can even do the stairs, too! So that's a real milestone! The work that I am doing since then in physio is for fine tuning and improving balance and posture. I have to admit...some of the things I'm working on, I couldn't even do before the accident! I'm also enjoying the pool time, which is a great chance to feel "normal" - until I start swimming, that is! (Sigh!) But in all areas, improvement is coming! Ben's limp is also better, and his foot doesn't swell as much. Aaron will be going back to work this week, but still has some pain in his ankles. The physiotherapy seems to have helped somewhat. He and Jason managed quite well on their own, and according to Jason, "ate like kings"! Oh well, we'll deal with the budget later!!
Many have asked about how things were going with my roommate, Claudia. She is coping better, and I have really been blessed to be able to pray with her through several difficulties. God has placed me here for a specific reasons, and I'm confident that she is one of them. It has been such a priviledge to be here for her, and to help her when she's experiencing some of the same difficulties that I've been carried through. God is so good, and I can now say what I have thought that I would be able one day to say - that I am thankful for the accident and for where it has brought me in my life. We have learned so much, and have grown in ways that we had not thought possible. We know the journey isn't finished yet, and can hardly wait to see what else God has in store for us, and the lessons that will yet come for us to learn. For sure, we have experienced that in our weakness, He is strong. We give God the glory for the grace that He has shown us, and for the mercy to have a second chance at living life the way He wants us to. We're far from perfect, and have a long way to go, but we're looking forward to the journey!
By the way, anytime you'd like to come visit, I'm more than up to having visitors in the evening, as I still have a few weeks left. I should find out tomorrow for sure when they are going to let me go home, but there's always the possibility that I may have to stay longer for extra physio. I'll keep you posted!
So now it's time to get some extra sleep, and I'll try to be more faithful with posts! Keep praying for us to learn and listen, and be ready when God wants to use us, and we'll pray the same for you!!
With gratefulness for many blessings,
Judy
Sunday, June 14, 2009
...and again...
Sorry, folks! Today I ended up having too much fun with my sister and mom...and now I have to pack to go back to (as Ben has fondly named GFS) my one-star all-inclusive! There's just too much to do when I'm here in Abbotsford - I'm going to miss that when I go home! My family has drawn so close together during the past 4 months, and it's a wonderful thing. But home is still where I would rather be.
Until then, I still have to work at getting as better as I can get! So it's back in to Vancouver tomorrow. I have nothing planned for the evening Monday, so I'll make sure to take time to let you all in on the past two weeks...promise! Have a great Monday!
Judy
Saturday, June 13, 2009
Oh My!
How time flies when one is having fun...and I've had so much fun the past 2 weeks! It has been so good to see Ben everyday, to go for walks, talk about everyday stuff (not just the accident and our recovery!), to spend time doing nothing, and to eat out every night!!! So I apologize for not having posted for so long! But to defend myself somewhat...I did try 3 times this past week to get online to post, and I couldn't get an internet connection. Seems my computer isn't always able to pick up a signal. I tried!! So now I'm at my mom's for the weekend, and I promise that I will spend time tomorrow on a good long post. For tonight this will have to suffice - I'm tired!! (Too much done in too little time, with too many late nights!) So until then, have a great Sunday, and I'll 'talk' to you all tomorrow.
Judy
Friday, June 5, 2009
God is so good!
God is so good! Can we ever say it often enough or give Him praise enough to express this to it's fullest? Some days I wake up with such gratefulness in my heart, and today it one of those days. I guess it sounds like I'm trying to be impressive, or super-spiritual, but those of you who know me well know that that's not me! I want only to be real, so I'll admit that there are days that I really don't seem to care as much about being thankful. I try to report about all the good things that God is doing in our lives, but I admit there are still days that I don't think you want to know about. It's hard being away from home and my family for so long, and sometimes the treatment and recuperation process is tough and painful. But I pray that my focus won't get lost, and so I choose to be thankful for every little thing that I can find. And when I choose to look, that's when I see my Lord at work in my life, for which I will always be thankful!
It's been a special week with Ben being able to be here in the evenings, and he'll be here all next week, too! We've had some awesome times together, and with the fantastic weather we've had, it's been even better! On Wednesday night we were able to go to the Jericho Sailing Club for dinner (fish and chips! So much better than minced meatballs!) and last night we walked (hobbled, limped!) from his hotel down to English Bay for gelato! It was worth the walk! And today we get to share with good friends from PG! Jason and his girlfriend are coming for the weekend, too, so all in all, I'm in high spirits this morning, as you may be able to tell!
In the meantime, therapy continues, and although the advances are no longer huge, I still am progressing. My balance is improving, my vision is as well, and there are more appointments with more specialists to take care of more of the injuries. Little by little, bit by bit, as my physiotherapist likes to say! I am now also able to be in the pool (my peg tube is out and healed over - it looks like a second belly button now!) and this is helping the range of motion in my shoulders to improve. The doctor injected cortisteroids into my shoulders to allow them to move better, and it seems to be helping some. Ben's leg still swells up when he is on his feet too much, but the pain is decreasing, and that is a good thing. Aaron has been taken off work for 2 weeks, but was sent to physiotherapy finally! His back and legs are still bothering him quite a bit, so we hope and pray that the exercises will strengthen and help him.
And so another day begins. I trust you will find joy today in whatever you do, and that you will also find reason to choose to be thankful!
Judy
It's been a special week with Ben being able to be here in the evenings, and he'll be here all next week, too! We've had some awesome times together, and with the fantastic weather we've had, it's been even better! On Wednesday night we were able to go to the Jericho Sailing Club for dinner (fish and chips! So much better than minced meatballs!) and last night we walked (hobbled, limped!) from his hotel down to English Bay for gelato! It was worth the walk! And today we get to share with good friends from PG! Jason and his girlfriend are coming for the weekend, too, so all in all, I'm in high spirits this morning, as you may be able to tell!
In the meantime, therapy continues, and although the advances are no longer huge, I still am progressing. My balance is improving, my vision is as well, and there are more appointments with more specialists to take care of more of the injuries. Little by little, bit by bit, as my physiotherapist likes to say! I am now also able to be in the pool (my peg tube is out and healed over - it looks like a second belly button now!) and this is helping the range of motion in my shoulders to improve. The doctor injected cortisteroids into my shoulders to allow them to move better, and it seems to be helping some. Ben's leg still swells up when he is on his feet too much, but the pain is decreasing, and that is a good thing. Aaron has been taken off work for 2 weeks, but was sent to physiotherapy finally! His back and legs are still bothering him quite a bit, so we hope and pray that the exercises will strengthen and help him.
And so another day begins. I trust you will find joy today in whatever you do, and that you will also find reason to choose to be thankful!
Judy
Tuesday, June 2, 2009
Catch up time!
As always, we had a wonderful weekend! Ben arrived on Friday just before lunch, and after taking his things to the Vancouver office, Mom, Ben and I headed out for my cousin's daughter's wedding, just south of Seattle. On Friday evening we were able to connect with a couple that we met on our cruise 1 1/2 years ago - great to see them again over a phenomenal dinner (yes, I ate in a restaurant!). The wedding on Saturday was just lovely - God-honoring, elegant and yet informal at the same time. I admit, by the end of the day I was pooped, but I'm so glad we went! We also were part of the worship service the families of the bride and groom held on Sunday in the hotel where we stayed. What an amazing time of fellowship, sharing and singing. It's such a blessing to know that the extended families of the couple can worship together in such harmony, just a small foretaste of what will be in glory!!
And then it was back to rehab - another team/family meeting on Monday, and more good news. They will be setting me up to self-medicate (in other words, I won't be given meds by the nurses, rather the pharmacy will give me the meds directly, and then I am responsible to administer them at the appropriate time - more like it will be at home). They will also be weaning me off of the neuropathic pain meds, and decreasing the dosages for the mood-stabilizing ones as well. Hopefully that will all work well, and I won't change into a crazed idiot! (Read - PMS, Perimenopause, Mood swings, etc!) The date for my discharge is still July 2, with the possibility of staying until the 14th if they feel they need the extra time for further improvement. I'm okay with 2 more weeks - what's another couple weeks after 5 months!! In the meantime, physio and occupational therapy are doing all they can to help me learn what I will need to know in order to function somewhat normally once I get home. I made an omelette the other day - spinach, feta cheese and sundried tomatoes (thanks for the idea, Jason!), and it turned out great!! Today, I tried playing badminton with my physiotherapist - just a little tough with the double vision! Which, by the way, seems to be getting better! I haven't been wearing the patch over my eye as often, and the muscles seem to be getting back to normal - at least things don't look as far apart as they used to, for which I am very thankful! We also had an appointment with and ENT last Thursday, and got to see my vocal chords. They are in fine shape, no scarring or nodules, so I can start working on rebuilding my range and decreasing the nasality in my voice. My speech therapist has requested that I have an appointment with a voice specialist, which would be really cool! It might take awhile to get in to see her, as there is only one in BC, but being so close by, they have put me on a cancellation list for the chance to get in sooner. I still maintain that if I don't get my voice back to the way it was, I have lost very little. But if there is a chance to improve what I can, I am glad to be able to do whatever is needed! As always, I praise God for each little victory, and know that He is still in control!
Ben is down here in Vancouver working for the next 2 weeks, so I'm looking forward to spending at least a few evenings with him. His foot still swells quite easily, and he needs to keep it up as much as possible. Aaron has been taken off work completely for the next 2 weeks, and has been sent to do physio every day, for which I am very glad! I've said all along that he needed to go, and finally the doctor thinks so too! So we are all still slowly recuperating and progressing along, and giving thanks for each new day and the strength to get through it!
You are all such a blessing to us, and to know that so many are still upholding us in prayer is daily a humbling experience. To know that we are right where God wants us to be keeps us at His feet in gratitude, and I never want to forget how gracious and merciful He is, has been, and will be. May you also experience His greatness in some new way today as you keep your faces turned to our Lord and Saviour, Jesus Christ, as it is through Him alone that we can live this life with courage and face this fight with success!
Judy
And then it was back to rehab - another team/family meeting on Monday, and more good news. They will be setting me up to self-medicate (in other words, I won't be given meds by the nurses, rather the pharmacy will give me the meds directly, and then I am responsible to administer them at the appropriate time - more like it will be at home). They will also be weaning me off of the neuropathic pain meds, and decreasing the dosages for the mood-stabilizing ones as well. Hopefully that will all work well, and I won't change into a crazed idiot! (Read - PMS, Perimenopause, Mood swings, etc!) The date for my discharge is still July 2, with the possibility of staying until the 14th if they feel they need the extra time for further improvement. I'm okay with 2 more weeks - what's another couple weeks after 5 months!! In the meantime, physio and occupational therapy are doing all they can to help me learn what I will need to know in order to function somewhat normally once I get home. I made an omelette the other day - spinach, feta cheese and sundried tomatoes (thanks for the idea, Jason!), and it turned out great!! Today, I tried playing badminton with my physiotherapist - just a little tough with the double vision! Which, by the way, seems to be getting better! I haven't been wearing the patch over my eye as often, and the muscles seem to be getting back to normal - at least things don't look as far apart as they used to, for which I am very thankful! We also had an appointment with and ENT last Thursday, and got to see my vocal chords. They are in fine shape, no scarring or nodules, so I can start working on rebuilding my range and decreasing the nasality in my voice. My speech therapist has requested that I have an appointment with a voice specialist, which would be really cool! It might take awhile to get in to see her, as there is only one in BC, but being so close by, they have put me on a cancellation list for the chance to get in sooner. I still maintain that if I don't get my voice back to the way it was, I have lost very little. But if there is a chance to improve what I can, I am glad to be able to do whatever is needed! As always, I praise God for each little victory, and know that He is still in control!
Ben is down here in Vancouver working for the next 2 weeks, so I'm looking forward to spending at least a few evenings with him. His foot still swells quite easily, and he needs to keep it up as much as possible. Aaron has been taken off work completely for the next 2 weeks, and has been sent to do physio every day, for which I am very glad! I've said all along that he needed to go, and finally the doctor thinks so too! So we are all still slowly recuperating and progressing along, and giving thanks for each new day and the strength to get through it!
You are all such a blessing to us, and to know that so many are still upholding us in prayer is daily a humbling experience. To know that we are right where God wants us to be keeps us at His feet in gratitude, and I never want to forget how gracious and merciful He is, has been, and will be. May you also experience His greatness in some new way today as you keep your faces turned to our Lord and Saviour, Jesus Christ, as it is through Him alone that we can live this life with courage and face this fight with success!
Judy
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